Points of Catholic pride

If the Church is to survive the next decade, Catholics must overcome their overwhelming, debilitating self-hatred.  Boasting about doctrine, sacraments, and apostolic succession does not help.  Thinking that we’re the scum of the Earth who have been given unprecedented spiritual gifts will just make us hate ourselves more.  We need to find ways to esteem ourselves.

As always, to learn how to survive, look at what the Jews are doing.  We don’t have their record of objective accomplishment, so we will have to be more creative.  In fact, the best boasts are unfalsifiable.  One cannot allow one’s collective self-esteem to be held hostage to empirical investigation.  On the other hand, boasts must have some connection to observations and judgments (however subjective) to be plausible.

Consider the following.

  • Catholics have the best food.  This is a no-brainer.  We’ve got the French.  We’ve got the Italians.  We’ve got the Mexicans.
  • Catholics have the prettiest girls.  We’ve got the French.  We’ve got the Italians.  We’ve got the Latinas.  I was also quite impressed with Polish girls, truth be told.  What’s more, Catholic girls like being girls.  You must admit that there’s something mannish about Protestant and Jewish women, as if they are carrying a grudge against God for not making them men.

Of course, one never argues it.  One speaks as if it’s something everyone already knows.  Thus is the status of the tribe advanced.

6 Responses

  1. We also have the most stylish threads (we got the French; we got the Italians).

  2. “[Catholics] don’t have [the Jews] record of objective accomplishment”

    What an absolutely absurd claim, one of your most despicable yet alarmingly constant refrains, especially when juxtaposed with an exhortation to abandon Catholic self-hatred.

  3. If we judge ourselves by Jewish standards of excellence, we will always come out as second-rate Jews. Personal genius and social justice / healing the world are the measure of Jewish excellence–and to some extent of Protestant excellence, since the Protestants are a sort of middle term between Catholicism and Judaism–but they are not universal. The Jews’ passion for “justice” and “equity” I would call a vice, for so it seems to those on the receiving end of it. Artistic and scientific genius is at least genuinely valuable, but the Romans managed to be a proud people without much of it. Arguably, a Christian should prefer being beautiful to being intelligent, since the latter is mostly a blessing to oneself while the former is mostly a blessing to others.

  4. You’ve also got the Irish, which just proves you can’t win ‘em all.

    I kid, I kid.

  5. >If we judge ourselves by Jewish standards of excellence, we will always come out as second-rate Jews.

    So why use those standards? Why not use standards such as creating beautiful art, civilizing Europe, conquering and Christianizing just about the whole world, producing saints or, I dunno, saving souls?

  6. […] and Altar discusses Points of Catholic Pride, and the idolatry of the Vatican these […]

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