I love to look at pretty girls–I could watch a beautiful woman for hours an be completely content. Christ says that this is adultery, and I don’t doubt it, but it’s also a curious phenomenon. Why do so many of us find the beauty of women so enthralling?
Dumb question, you might be thinking: it’s my sex drive, vile sinner that I am. Now there’s no doubt that I’m sexually attracted to women, and these desires can be strong, but I don’t think that’s it, at least that’s not most of it. The way I respond to a pretty girl is nothing like the way I respond to, say, a juicy steak. I’m interested in the steak for the satisfaction it can give me by eating it; if I can’t eat it, it might as well not exist as far as I’m concerned. When I see a lovely girl, my thoughts are seldom on how she might delight me in bed. In fact, my experience is ecstatic in the old sense of the term–I am lifted outside myself; I joyously forget about myself completely. For an instant, the girl is everything–her face, her eyes, her smile, her hair. I’m enthralled; I would be content to just look forever.
Is this the disinterestedness of a true aesthetic response, or am I just fooling myself? I don’t think I’m fooling myself, for three reasons. First, it’s not just men that are enraptured by women’s beauty–I’ve seen it have the same effect on women and children. I can remember times when one of them (say, my wife or one of my little nieces) pointed out a pretty girl to me. “Look at how pretty she is!” they say with the excitement that comes not from desire but from delight. A beautiful woman brings happiness to everyone who sees her: men, women, and children. We rejoice that something so lovely exists.
Second, I find that I can have a similar, but much weaker, appreciation for the beauty of some animals. Perhaps you, too, have been struck by the gracefulness and perfect design of a cat, and you’ve thought to yourself “What a magnificent creature!” We can appreciate the grace and perfection of a woman in the same way, although for a woman the impression is much, much more intense. The reason, I think, is that human women really are more beautiful than cats, although both desire might augment our interest (as might our appreciation of the woman as a fellow person, with consciousness and intelligence).
I have another reason to think that the appreciation of female beauty isn’t purely carnal, but I’m afraid I don’t know a delicate way to say it. When I judge a steak, I do so solely on the basis of how much pleasure it would give me to eat it. Now, this can’t be the “edge” that a pretty woman has over a plain one, because, frankly, sex with either one would probably feel about the same to me. Furthermore, the thought of adultery is not only morally, but also viscerally repellent to me. If looking at girls always meant plotting to sleep with them, I would rather have an urge to avoid it.
Furthermore, the awe elicited by a pretty girl doesn’t just come from the form of her face and body (although she needs these to be pretty). What most enthralls us is this form charged with life. We love to watch her hair bounce and her body sway as she walks, to see her lovely eyes move from one object to another, to watch her concentrate, blush, smile, and laugh in turn. A woman’s vitality is part of her beauty. This is why a pretty girl in a movie is much more alluring than the same girl in a photograph. And this is still all at the level of superficial appreciation. Even if I don’t know or care about a girl, I can appreciate and be attracted to her vitality and her femininity.
The appreciation for a woman’s beauty is thus a spiritual as well as a carnal affair. This makes it both promising and dangerous. It is promising because it can fuse with and complement real love so easily. If my desire for a woman was the same as my desire for a steak, I could perhaps both love her and desire her in this way, but the two feelings would be totally separate. In fact, they would tend to oppose one another, since one treats her as an end and one as a means. On the other hand, attraction to a woman’s beauty, vitality, and femininity can merge seamlessly with love for her as a person and a child of God. Both aesthetic appreciation and love are value responses; both treat the object as an end in itself.
On the other hand, this spiritual element can make the desire for a girl a more dangerous temptation than a mere carnal desire could be. If I want a steak but know I shouldn’t eat it, it’s not too hard to change my attention to something else. The steak had only made a claim on a part, a fairly humble part, of my soul. A woman, though, can entrance and intoxicate me body, soul, and spirit. This is all to the good if she is, or can become, my wife. If she’s not, then it might require all of my strength to put her out of mind. Christ was right to turn us away from such danger.
Filed under: Forgotten Virtues, Sex | 6 Comments »