Honestly, how can parents survive who have more than one child?
Wicked thoughts like this have kept popping into my head during this Christmas visit to my in-laws. Julie has not taken well to sleeping in a new place, and I’ve gone through several nights when I got next to no sleep because of watching her. It reminds me of when she was a newborn, and I think to myself “God, do I want to go through that all over again?” and “Could my career take another hit like that?”
This is, of course, the hedonistic, materialistic “contraceptive mentality” that we reactionary Catholic bloggers are always railing against. I’m not particularly surprised to have experienced it; I’m a fallen man who has experienced lots of temptations in my day. Something about it surprises me, though.
I’ve realized that the drive for regular sleep is stronger than the drive for sex. Years ago, when I decided that I had to align my behavior with Catholic sexual morality, I would sometimes think to myself “What if this means I’ll die without having any kind of sexual release ever again?” The thought gave me a little panic. That was then. Maybe it’s that I’m older now, or maybe it’s that I’ve successfully reproduced once, but I’m finding the practice of celibacy much easier than I once did, and the thought of perpetual continence actually has some appeal. If Parvina (Mrs. Bonald) and I just abstain from this one activity (that we never have time or energy for anyway), our lives could be so much easier.
I know, that’s the Devil talking, preferring personal comfort to the generosity of making lives. Maybe it will go away when Julie gets older and I start missing having a baby around (and forgetting what it’s actually like). Julie was always adorable, but as she gets older, she keeps getting more fun, more responsive, and I even think more cute. Having another one wouldn’t mean rewinding in time; my first one would keep going forward in her delightful ways. I expect I’ll talk myself into having another one in a year or so. It’s a wonderful experience. Sometimes, though, you do think that it’s going to kill you.
Filed under: My Life |