How can Catholics respond to the kidnapping on the Pope?

As I said in an earlier article, I am almost certain that the United States of America will launch a physical attack on Vatican City and kidnap the pope sometime this decade.  The Church as well as every individual Catholic should be planning their counter-moves.

First, lets ask what the Church can do.  There’s no point in having the American episcopate try to mobilize American Catholics against such a move because, as I said before, at least 99% of them are on the side of the enemy.  An attempt and failure to mobilize American Catholics will actually embolden the U.S. government and make the situation worse.  Far better for the government to be left guessing about the political consequences of its move.

To some extent, it depends on whether America decides to “arrest” the pope as an alleged individual criminal or as the leader of an alleged criminal organization.  If the former, then America could be foiled simply by arranging for the pope to be killed in the assault on Vatican City, say by standing with his troops when they return fire.  Most likely, though, America will be suing the Church herself, so Pope Benedict’s death will not entirely solve the problem.  His death will still be highly desirable in order to save him and the Church the indignities to which they would be subjected by his capture.

Perhaps a better alternative would be to seek asylum in some other nation.  Here we run into the problem that the Church has no friends.  There are, however, a number of countries that wouldn’t mind an opportunity to check American presumption.  If I were Pope Benedict, I would already be in contact with the Russian government to discuss this.  Russia is the only major Christian power not beholden to the United States or the European Union, making it the ideal choice.  If the Russians don’t agree, the Vatican could try minor Christian powers like the Phillipines or non-Christian, anti-American powers like Iran or even communist China.  This step should be taken even if Pope Benedict desides to take the Masada option in Rome for himself, because some country must provide a safe haven for the conclave to elect his successor.

Finally, the Vatican should consider alienating all its assets.  Much of the interest in suing the Vatican comes from the misperception that the Holy See is sitting on a big pile of liquid wealth, as if Pope Benedict were like Scrooge McDuck swimming in his money bin.  As a matter of fact, the Holy See has very little money per se, but it does have the priceless Vatican museum, whose works would have to be auctioned in a (futile) attempt to pay off the exhorbitant financial settlement with America.  Remember that in the popular mind, large legal payments mean great guilt, rather than vice versa.  America’s goal is to see newspaper headlines reading “Vatican declares bankrupcy”, because it will convince the populace that the Catholic Church must have been a very wicked organization after all.  It doesn’t matter that victims of clerical sexual abuse get orders of magnitude more money than victims of teacher sexual abuse.  The bankrupcy headlines are all the public notices.  Therefore, it would be best all around if the the Vatican could make it publicly obvious that it has no money.  It would be best if the Vatican could give (not sell) all its assets (museum, basilica, etc) to the Italian government.  Failing this, the pope should burn down the entire complex before he gives the God damned Americans one cent.  The lack of prospect for great financial gain–or, rather, the appearance thereof–will sap some of the interest in the American assault, and it will lessen the Church’s humiliation when she goes bankrupt.

Let’s suppose that Pope Benedict waits too long, and he finds himself in chains in America awaiting trial for his “crimes against humanity”.  What can ordinary Catholics do (where by “ordinary”, I mean the 1% of faithful ones)?  Not much, unfortunately, because we would have no political clout, and a forced reconstruction of the Church (“Operation Catholic Freedom”?) would be immensely popular, not only with non-Catholics, but especially with the 99% of traitor-Catholics.

One option would be terrorism–bombing government buildings, attacking military personnel.  (Of course, killing innocent people would not be acceptable for any cause.)  The past decade has given us some indication of how the American public responds to terrorism.  At first, they respond with fury, but after a few years, they tend to lose hope and look for a way to make peace.  This means that you can’t just bomb a few buildings and think you’re going to get your way.  One should expect the first month or so to actually be counterproductive.  The question is, is there the will and manpower among orthodox Catholics to carry out a terror campaign for several years?  I think we all know that there isn’t.  Therefore, we shouldn’t even start.

Is there anything else that American Catholics can do?  Pray?  Certainly.  Donate to the Pope’s legal defense fund?  A noble act, although it won’t help.  Having siezed a foreign head of state, the American government must justify itself by finding him guilty.  Do you think there was ever a real chance that Manuel Noriega or Saddam Hussein would have been found innocent?  What the pope will have will be a show trial.  Our giving him money is just an expression of support, not a way of changing the outcome.

I would really like to get some ideas from my readers, because I’m stumped.  The United States seems invincible, and the Church’s situation seems hopeless.  The only thing I can recommend for American Catholics to do is to mentally prepare themselves.  Without giving outward sign, you can come to realize that the United States of America is not your country; it is your enemy.  It is an abomination, and you should learn to hate it.  The future, after all, is unknown.  It may be that someday America will not be as invincible as it is now, and that we shall find some opportunity for our revenge.